You are now entering THE TIME WARP

Ok so for this story I am gonna take you back in time to like 2003.  I was 16 and young dumb and full of cum.  Well in my younger days I dabbled in some extra curricular activities. Me and my buddy I will call him Redhead, had been partying, drinking a little, and smoked a little green which ain't that bad -> cause it comes from the ground right. Then Redhead gets the bright idea to try some acid for the first time. Anyone who has ever done acid you know that it comes in 2 forms either liquid or in sheets.  Well for any first timers who are already high and drunk I would advice doing it in sheet form.  So we were sitting at the table when he pulls it out from his pocket.  I take the first hit a drop of it right on my eyelids. Redhead takes his hit and being the clumsy guy he is knocks over the vile of acid.  Being as high and as drunk as I was plus being the idiot that I am, I wiped it up with my hand.  Now if you don't know about acid and soon as it comes into contact with your skin your body absorbs it.  Needless to say I took about 5 more hits all at once.

I am what you call a wandering stonner, which means that when I am high I like to go and do not just sit around.  Me and Redhead get the bright idea to go out to the 7-11 up the road about 2 miles.  Being high and drunk we do the responsible thing and walk cause I don't promote drinking and driving.  We start walking and while doing so I decide to call my other buddy, we will call him Mr. Goody2shoes.  What happens next was told to me the next day by Goody2shoes and Redheads Dad.  While walking down the street, and by now the acid has kicked in, the wind starts kicking up.  There are palm trees all over the sidewalk in my hometown, and their branches hang down over the sidewalks.  So add like 10 hits of acid a whole lot of weed and booze, plus wind and palm trees you end up thinking you are getting attacked.  I swear up and down that I was being chased and attacked by these palm trees.  I ran the whole 2 miles while on the phone to the 7-11 and hid there until Redhead convinced me that I was not being chase and I was gonna be ok.

We make it back to Redheads parents house without even getting anything from 7-11 cause it turns out neither one of us had any money with us.  After getting back to Redheads parents we decide that it would be a good idea to watch Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas,  NOT A GOOD IDEA.  Next thing I know I am cussing up a storm because I swear that someone has taken my legs.  Redheads dad comes in to tell me nicely and I quote, "SHUT THE FUCK UP."  When I tell him that my legs have been stolen he looks at me like I am an Idiot, and says, "Boys this is Fucking Horse Shit."  He then walks out of the room and I drop down on my knees cause well I am missing my legs.  And NO SHIT THERE I WAS chasing his dad around the house on my knees cussing him out for stealing my fucking legs.  And NO SHIT THERE I WAS.

I DO NOT ENDORSE USING DRUGS, SELLING DRUGS, TAKING DRUGS, UNDERAGE DRINKING OR CUSSING OUT YOUR FRIENDS PARENTS!!!!!  BUT IF YOU HAVE A GOOD STORY ABOUT IT GO AHEAD AND TELL ME ABOUT IT.

       

Giveaway

Ok guys so The Wife is doing an awesome giveaway.  Yall need to go over to her page and follow the instructions.  Let her know you are following me and get an extra entry. 

My Awsome Wife

Ok guys so for those of you who don't know me or my wife then you are in for a treat.  So let me just start off by saying I am the luckiest man in the world.  My wife has given my an amazing son I will call him little man.  She also had an amazing daughter that she had when she decided to marry me.. And let me just say that she is as amazing as her brother and I love her as if she is my own.  She has accepted me as her daddy and it is a joy to watch her grow up.

Well now back to my Amazing Wife.  She is the best thing to walk in to my life other then my kids.  I am so glad that I met her and that she decided to marry me.  The funny part is that she almost did not want to date me because of the fact that I am military.  But she looked past that and let me into her life anyway.  We have been through more in the past year of our marriage then most people have in here whole marriage.  We have moved twice been separated by almost 200 miles  right after getting married and while dating and a deployment.  We have been through me getting injured multiple surgeries.  And have still stood by each others side.   She is my rock and my will to quit smoking and better myself.

She is my best friend and I don't know what I would do with out her.  Above is a picture from my wedding on the beach in CA on her first ever trip there and her first time meeting my family.  So this post is just for her.  BABY I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND CANT WAIT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU YOU ARE AMAZING. 

Quiting Smoking

Ok so for those of you who follow The Wife's blog then you know that it is time to QUIT SMOKING.  Now I have tried many times to quit smoking and have never been able to follow through and quit.  So this time I am doing it for sure.  Well so last night I started having cravings for one and so what did I do, that's right I went took a shower grabbed the Wife's coupons and went to town.  I got all of them cut and mind you she had 14 newspapers with 4 inserts per newspaper.  I suck at math but there are a shit ton of coupons. I started cutting last night and still am not done.  Well I have them all cut and now just need to put them up.  Well that is all for now will let you know tomorrow any updates. Because I have to drive from here to Austin to get my Buddie from the airport and he smokes.  FML

ARMY

ARMY
We used to mow our own grass
We used to guard our own gates
We used to run our finance centers, issue facilities, ranges, base police force, life guards… you name it and we took care of our own!
Civilians now do all the things we used to do and get paid 40% more
Yet, clueless politicians only call for a reduction of 5,000 contractors of their 350,000 strong work force, with the removal of 27,000 soldiers who they call “NON ESSENTIAL”
Give the Army back to us!

Fawk You Friday

Ok assholes Mrs. Bitch has told me to do this so here it goes.  Just want to say fawk you to the idiots in my unit who think I aint hurt.  A fawk you to all my old friends who have dropped off the face of the earth.  Fawk you to my daughters mom who still wont let me see her after 3 years.  And a big ol fawk you to ESPN and ABC who did not have the X-Games on in English.  Oh hell ya they had it on deportes and depotes HD but none that speak English how much bull shit is that.  Now if you have read my sea world rant you know how I fell about this topic so you may want to go check that one out.

Bring on the Hot Sauce

Ok guys so if you know me you know that I love my food with a little kick.  Well I also love me some bacon.  So when I found a Bacon Hot Sauce I was like OMG!!!!!   Well needless to say Mrs. Bitch  was a little iffy about trying it, but that ain't never stopped me before.  So as soon as the Bacon Hot Sauce got in the house I cracked it open and gave it a taste.   Let me just start by saying that this shit had some great flavors.  It starts out with a real calm  bacon flavor with just the right amount of smokiness.  And then out of no where 

 

That is the only way I can describe what happened in my mouth.  It felt like it was in an old super hero movie and I had just got punched in the face.  It was one of the greatest tastes I have had in a hot sauce in a long time.  The best part is that it just gives the right flavor to ketchup and to bbq sauce.  Goes well on just about everything I have tried it on.  Lets just say I cant wait to order my next batch.You can order some at http://www.baconhotsauce.com/collections/all